Ode to the Last Six Months

Ang tao wala talagang contentment.

When I arrived in Melbourne last year, I couldn't wait to start working. I must have been sending out thirty, forty customized resumes per day, applying for everything I could possibly get myself into. I have managed to churn out sets of cover letters and CVs per industry---banking, communications, insurance, call centers, retail, hospitality, tourism, publishing, accounting, advertising, government services, mining and oil, construction, science and technology, etc. (I know... nakakaloka!) --- scrupulously highlighting my skills and work experience and how they could possibly make use of me in sales, administration or customer service. I don't think I've exerted this much effort (or even half of it) when I was a fresh graduate in Manila in 2002. And while I thought I have psyched myself enough that I could start from scratch at age twenty-eight, well, it is harder and more frustrating when you're actually here.

When I was 20, I had nothing but the very gasgas line "I graduated on time (and a dean's lister) from the University of the Philippines" to supposedly impress employers. Looking back, it wasn't so painful when I got rejects then as I knew a lot of fresh grads were on the same plight. It was also easy admitting lack of experience (because there wasn't really anything legitimate---college theater, marketing and publicity stuff, org activities and hours of OJT seemed juvenile in the real world) or putting blame on economics. But it's a whole different story when you have seven and a half years of solid work experience; handled a managerial post; went to graduate school; can answer technical questions without losing a beat; can cite numerous situations where you exhibited problem-solving or analytical skills without practicing in front of a mirror, and (my personal favorite) can give a professional, non-suicidal reply to the dreaded interview question, "What are your weaknesses?" (Ha! That's my secret). So when I actually have that work experience, confidence, maturity and purpose to boast for, I get:

"You are overqualified for this role." 
(fast food/supermarket crew, secretarial, waitressing, housekeeping, etc.)

"Your are not qualified for this role." 
(staffing jobs outside the banking/financial services industries)

"We need someone with local experience." 
(banking and financial services)

"The requirement for this role is a Citizenship or Permanent Residency status." 
(almost all jobs--even contractual ones---due to post-recession)

Ouch. It stings a lot, lot more when you thought you've paid your dues but still willing to take on any type of work and you're far, far away from your support system to boot. What an excruciatingly humbling experience.

So what else is there to do in times like this but embrace it all.

Embrace the fact that it would probably take a hundred more resumes to find that perfect employer so I just have to keep on trying. Embrace the fact that while waiting for that new visa, I actually have loads of free time to do things I only daydreamed I could do a year ago (borrow all types of books from the library and actually get to read all of them; watch old Hollywood movies and catch up with all the series I missed on DVDs). Embrace the fact that I may never have the chance to sincerely appreciate a childless domestic life than now so why not enjoy learning how to cook, sew, bake, drive and decorate the house instead of whining about them. Embrace the fact that while things would never be the same without family and friends, it's high time to live and define my own life because they cannot live or define it for me. Embrace it all and just be optimistic about everything because I only have myself, because no one would ever really understand what it's like unless they're in the EXACT circumstances as I am in (even hubby doesn't count because he has a skilled migrant visa and not a partner!!!). So all this mantra of positivity and loving thyself might meet skepticism from others but when you're scrubbing your bathroom tiles, washing dishes for the nth time and making furious kula of your hubby's benzaldehyde-stained lab coat in another continent, it keeps you sane.

Embracing it all means taking the pressure off your back; appreciating things that matter like a blissful marriage, a healthier lifestyle; taking note of small daily "achievements" like the first time I made a decent leche flan or how I was able to iron his most stubborn pair of jeans in three minutes flat or the day we purchased the perfect second-hand coffee table to go with our second-hand sofa and second-hand carpet(!); and just being thankful for the opportunity of being all Martha Stewartish, experiencing the good and the bad of staying at home but still be young enough to pursue a halted career.

And all these reflections are floating in my mind as I once again psych myself and be all positive for a shift that will commence Monday next week. I start work at National Australia Bank, exactly six months from my last day of work in Manila. After all those exhausting cover letters and resumes and interviews, I finally landed a job in the industry I was aiming for, a role close to my heart. So it all worked out after all, thanks to the three Ps: prayers, patience and perseverance.

Pero sabi ko nga ang tao walang contentment. Ang housewife, gusto maging career woman. Ang career woman gusto maging housewife. Bakit nga ba ganon?

Turns out I have settled too comfortably on domestic life the last three months (to combat a looming depression familiar on most housewives) and now I'm getting a nauseating feeling in starting work as it feels like I'm dang twenty again or coming out from a maternity leave. Oooooh, the TV shows I will miss... the library I will miss... the window-shopping and lakwatsa in the city anytime of the day... surfing the net, trying out new recipes whenever I feel like it, staying in bed to my heart's content especially with winter approaching, my comfort zone---my warm, tiny nestled abode where I am queen and I can do things my own way. I have to kick-in that soundly sleeping can-do work attitude and start embracing that my extended vacation is coming to an end.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm experiencing major separation anxiety from my laid-back, stress-free domesticated life. Channeling all good work vibes, optimism and confidence.... possess me!!!